August 17, 2015

Failing On All Cylinders

Do you ever feel like you're failing in pretty much every aspect of your life?

Like you try really hard at something and you just keep spinning your wheels? Or you have a second shot at something and you bomb it? Or you thought you were pretty good at something, until you discovered people who were so much better at it than you? People who are so much smarter than you? People who have been doing it a lot longer than you?

And then because you've been really trying at this one thing, all the other things have started to suffer? You've put so much time and effort into one part of your life that the other parts that were going well are starting to decline? You're neglecting the things that make you happy to put so much of yourself into this one other aspect of your life?

And on top of it all, the thing you're trying really hard at isn't even that important? Or isn't even the thing you want to be really trying that hard at? Or isn't where you see yourself? And you're just doing this thing, and not sleeping well, and being stressed, and getting short with your boyfriend, and missing your pets, and not running, and not reading, because you're doing this one thing you don't even like that much?

But even despite all of that, you find yourself wanting to excel at this thing that sucks so much out of you? You don't like it that much but you still want to do really well, be recognized (or at least appreciated), and achieve something? You still hope it might lead to something?

Me either, I don't know what you're talking about.

Every fucking day.