Somewhere I Belong

These guys are my friends.

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you don't belong anywhere. Often enough I didn't feel like I fit in with my family, I didn't fit in with coworkers, and I didn't fit in at school. The first time I really felt like I belonged with people was in photo caravans. All of a sudden there were these people who shared the same interests as me. And they were really passionate! Like me! It was the most exciting time of my life. I grew so much in 5 months, learned I didn't really belong in my relationship, learned I didn't have to compromise what I really cared about in order to have meaningful companionship. And I felt fantastic!

Few jobs in my working life did I feel more outcast than in Flightline and at Sammy's. Currently, there are certainly those times when I feel like I don't belong. Walking through the office I'm sometimes talked to like I don't understand what's going on. I mean, I'm just the driver. Few people know I have a degree, few see my dedicated work ethic, and few imagine that I know as much as I do about the secret goings on of the school. When the salaried staffers are taking off at 4:59PM, buzzing about getting to happy hour and I'm just walking in for the night shift I feel a little left out. It also doesn't help that my job entails taking bus loads of kids to clubs downtown.

The other day I was feeling especially frustrated, not just because of work. But these students are incredible. They can tell in 2 seconds if you're having a bad day and they make you feel so much better. One girl gave me Swiss chocolate (the real deal), one boy is trying to help me find a new roommate, and some seem to think they have a right to the passenger seat. I actually look forward to Wednesday nights (In Cahoots) and Friday nights (lately it's been Fluxx night) because they get in these ridiculously infectious good moods. It's sad to see them go back to their countries. Some would seek me out before they left just to say goodbye- it made me feel like I was a significant part of their experience in San Diego.

We just got about 120 new students who will be with us for the next 6-9 months and so far so good. Because I welcomed a good 40 or so as they stepped off the plane I'm learning the new faces and names (and house families) quickly. And they recognize me. And with them I feel like I belong.

Gluten-Free Is Silly

I've heard (perfectly healthy) people (who can regularly tolerate gluten) talk about how cutting gluten from their diets has made them less lethargic or crabby, but I wonder what's really causing the difference. It could be that they're just eating less, or eating more vegetables, or cutting back on fat and salt, or exercising more, or just experiencing a placebo effect. Tons of people who aren't normally affected by gluten have decided that gluten is the devil and must be avoided at all costs. Look around in the grocery store: gluten-free brownies, gluten-free pizza crust, even gluten-free bread!

Granted, if you have celiac disease you probably don't want to die... but this isn't about that 1% of the American population, it's about the rest being silly. My dad's girlfriend is all about gluten-free; when my sisters were living with them they complained about there never being any food around. While there was always food around, it was either raw vegetables or gluten-free (not exactly easy to prepare on the run and not exactly tasty). They complained gluten-free pancakes didn't taste good, and I scoffed at them and suggested they suck it up for the free food. While I was visiting I made some Trader Joe's gluten-free brownies, thinking if it's from Trader Joe's it must taste good. Not true! That pan of brownies sat there all weekend... no one, not even my dad or his girlfriend, ate them (highly uncharacteristic of my dad to refuse brownies).

Don't search for images of food when you're hungry or craving sweets.

Which leads me to the word of the day: uncharacteristic. Except for those with celiac disease, people are generally fine with eating gluten. True, it's a relatively recent thing for our bodies to learn to accept in terms of intestinal evolution, but you may have noticed humans are pretty hardy little buggers; if we've been A-OK with it for the last 10,000 years, why has the last year or so been so tough on our little tummies? Because it hasn't! We're just fine with eating gluten, but celebrities and fad diets have told us otherwise and now a quarter of US adults are buying everything gluten-free.

But there's a giant glitch: gluten is a naturally occurring protein in wheat, barley and rye. You know what else comes from wheat, barley and rye? BEER. True, there are gluten-free beers available, but just try going into your regular bar or restaurant and ordering one. I would love to see someone order a gluten-free pizza crust ($5 extra) and a Bud Light. How silly.

Love Of My Life

It doesn't feel strange at all to me that the first time I felt real love was for my cat Milo. I loved my parents and my sisters, had some obligatory love for more distant family members, really liked my friends, but that cat was different.

And it's not just me saying that: ask my family, my friends who knew him, even my old neighbors. He was mine, and he was universally loved. (Well, almost universally loved, but that's another story.) Once, my dad and my first boyfriend were talking about him and my dad said, "It's a shame you never met him." My boyfriend laughed, thinking my dad (who never admitted liking animals, especially cats) was being sarcastic, but my dad quickly corrected him, saying, "No, it really is a shame. He was a good cat."

I loved my boyfriends, but now that they're out of the picture that love is gone. Milo has been out of the picture for almost 9 years but he's still the love of my life. Today he would have turned 16. I would have made him a cake (wet food on a plate with dry food sprinkled all over, topped with a candle), would be telling my friends to come celebrate, and would have taken pictures. He would have hated it but he would have put up with it, because that's just the kind of guy he was.

It was with him that I recognized that warm spark in my heart, and because of that I was able to recognize it with others, even Chloe, as different as a cat could possibly be from Milo. Somehow animals give more than people do, something I'll always be grateful for.

Being A Girl

The best picture I had of me being a girl. It's called, "Om nom nom."

I hemmed and hawed over whether I should write girl or woman... I picked girl because half the time I still don't consider myself more woman than girl, and even the strongest most adult women have girly moments. Especially when it comes to boys.

It's so easy for a woman to say she hates being female. We have to deal with periods (which suck), we have greater burdens in society (see my earlier post about it being cool that you have a career but not as cool as having a family), we want so badly to please whatever man we're with that we ignore our own needs, and when some man disappoints us in some way we're all torn up about it. That last part is true no matter what the situation is: good and not so good men disappoint women, women who often deserve more because of that desire to please. (Granted, this is not a 100% universal truth, but I bet you know more than a handful of people who can attest.)

I'm not quite sure what it is about me that makes me follow this pattern, but in my rather limited dating experience I've managed to pick boyfriends those close to me don't necessarily like. There was one certain boy who seemed to charm everyone, but that didn't last long and those close to me didn't get to know him well. But my most recent love interest was much trickier: something in me knew not to trust him, knew there was something deeper that I wouldn't appreciate, but that damn accent and charming smile and shared love for nature that we could discuss for hours roped me in. Thing about this particular situation was I knew it was temporary, so part of me wanted to ignore the overpowering rational side of me that was saying, "Caution!" and let the quiet romantic side of me take over. Goddamn rational side always wins these arguments. So, though I regret that there wasn't more time to get to know each other, the things we didn't do, the conversations we didn't have, I don't regret the decisions I made. And though I'm definitely pretty sad over the loss of someone I had feelings for, someone I considered a friend, and mostly upset that I am sad over those losses, I still love being a girl, emotions and all.

Feeling this sadness proves those romantic feelings in me exist, proves I took what time I had to get to know someone at least a little despite knowing it had a definite expiration date. It proves also that I can see the good in people, can recognize the talent and beauty in them. And that's what I appreciate. I know my friends are flawed, I know my family is flawed, I know I'm flawed. We all are, but I'm ready to see the best, give someone the benefit of the doubt, see everyone's glass as half full.

At least until you give me no reason to do so anymore. I'm not above writing people off... After all, I'm just a girl.

Patriotism

You're either with us or a fucking terrorist.

"Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it." George Bernard Shaw

This must be necessarily true in order for a person to be a good and loyal patriot. Americans seem to take it to heart; we really believe we're the best despite the shit we pull on other countries (though, to be fair, no country is good and pure). Now we're in this thing against Muslims and people are so uptight and afraid over silly little things. A school group, studying the world's religions, visited a synagogue, attended a gospel, and met Hindus. But people don't get all upset until they visit a mosque. And they don't even get upset when they visit the mosque- they wait until there's all this renewed tension surrounding Muslims to release a video of some of the students participating in the prayer to get all upset. The cool thing is the parents aren't upset at all- school officials are saying it was a bad move on the teacher's part. Which is silly: they can visit holy places of other religions, but the very fact that people got upset over them visiting a mosque is the whole point of the class, called "Enduring Beliefs and the World Today."

"The backlash against the visit... underscored the need for such exchanges."

Um, exactly. How can Christians, who are supposed to turn the other cheek and be accepting of others in the name of the Lord, be so hard hearted against another group of people, for no reason? I understand the flaw in my rhetorical question: humans are flawed, religion or not. But when the religion you profess to follow preaches such humble traits, aren't you a little more of a hypocrite if you don't follow?

These maps are awesome!

Also, this is interesting:

1. Fox is the Devil's station.

F = 6th letter

O = 15th letter (1+5=6)

X = 24th letter (2+4=6)

2. Sarah Palin is an anagram of Sharia Plan. Think about it. (Thanks, Reddit!)