January 2, 2013

One Is Not Like The Other: Part 3

Kids are not animals. Or property.


The boyfriend and I took the dog to the dog park in Balboa Park on the first day of the year (happy new year!) and boy was it packed. There were dozens of dogs of all sizes and even more people wandering around. There were balls being thrown and caught, games of chase being played, and everyone - dog and person - was in a good mood. 

The boyfriend and I couldn't help laughing at the dogs standing around us: a great dane puppy who took a liking to Argo, little fuzzy somethings running around and yapping, pretty collies pausing mid-air catching a ball. We talked about our weird relationship with these animals, and wondered to ourselves how anyone could not love a dog. Which is the same thing some people wonder when we say we don't want kids. 

But how could anyone not want kids? What will you do with your lives without kids? How will you spend your money and your time without kids? How will you spend your evenings at home without kids? 

But you could replace the word kids in each of those questions with the word dogs. And I'm positive I'll be a million times happier. 

Look how happy and excited they are for a tiny treat!

Here are some differences between kids an dogs:

  • I can pick out my dog. I can't pick out my kid.
  • I don't have to get pregnant and fat to get a dog and it will cost waaaaaaay less to adopt a dog than a kid.
  • The baby stage for puppies is a lot shorter and I can get to the good stuff way quicker.
  • Dogs can be trained much faster and more effectively than kids.
  • Dogs don't go to college. Or ask for cars. But they do drive! 
  • A dog will always be happy to see me. A kid will sometimes be happy to see me.
  • I can leave my dog with a sitter and go on vacation without hearing "you never take me anywhere - I hate you!"
  • A dog will go running with me, happily. I don't know that a kid will want to once it's old enough to keep up. And if it does it will likely outpace me.
At least she can't verbalize her hatred for me.

Here are some reasons why I highly, highly doubt my thoughts on kids will change:
  • When I see pictures of new babies, or see new babies in person, my thought is "oh, that's nice," or "that's a baby," or "I know I'm supposed to express happiness for you, but that's a weird looking kid." (I'm all ooohs and aahhs when it's baby animal pictures.)
  • I know I'm going to be a big grumpy pants for 9 months if I get pregnant. And then again for the first several months to the first years of my baby's life.
  • Babies smell. And not in a good way. And baby powder is gross.
  • I've been around dogs and cats (and rats and rabbits and birds) long enough to know when something's wrong, and I know to trust the vet if it gets to that point. I wouldn't know why a baby just sits there and cries. All. God. Damn. Night. (I had colic... I can only imagine my mother's sanity.)
  • I get cranky when I'm tired and hungry and parents are frequently tired and hungry.
  • Having a house full of small dogs all trying their not-hardest to get along was not frustrating. Sleeping with the boyfriend and a dog and a cat in a small bed was a little frustrating. But if the house had been full of small children and we couldn't sleep because there was a crying baby I'd have had so much more alcohol.
  • My wonderful boyfriend is on board with the dog train, but not on board with the baby train.
But what if I change my mind? Well, since the rest of the world is convinced that will happen within 3 years, I'll address that: 
  1. If I do suddenly change my mind and decide I absolutely have to have children, I hope someone asks me if that's what I really, really want. Having gone so many years not wanting children, wouldn't it be a little weird to suddenly change my mind and want an entirely different lifestyle?  It would be like someone wanting their whole lives to go on missionary assignments around the world then suddenly changing their mind at 30 and taking a desk job in finance.
  2. If I am to suddenly change my mind I hope that happens before I marry someone who doesn't want kids. Otherwise hello divorce. 
  3. To address the scenario that I unintentionally become pregnant and can't bring myself to abort or give it up for adoption (because seriously... foster care?), that's my choice and one I would hope my partner would agree with. However, this doesn't change the fact that I will spend the rest of my childbearing years trying my damndest to not become pregnant in the first place.
For funzies, here is Part 1 and Part 2.


  1. Your significant other is always referred to as "the boyfriend". How come you never refer to him by name? Is "the boyfriend" a more advanced title to hold or does one have to progress to becoming name worthy?

    1. I make a habit of not referring to anyone by their name. The only ones who get to be called by their real names are the animals, and even that's on occasion. Part of this is because I don't want to alienate any new readers by talking about people they'd have to do research to know who they are.