Conservation Lows

More than a dozen dead elephants in one box.

This year wasn't a particularly good one for a lot of people, mostly due to the world economy, but it was a particularly bad one for endangered animals. In addition to smuggling, a man releasing his private zoo before offing himself and the essential acceptance of global climate change as legitimate fact, poaching was steeply on the rise in 2011. More than 400 rhinos were poached this year (compared to less than 15 just 4 years ago) and thousands of elephants were killed for their tusks. Millions of dollars worth of illegal ivory was confiscated and showed that poachers are getting smart in the ways they kill elephants and transport ivory to Asia.

Which really pisses me off. As awful as rhino poaching is and as useless as it is (really, Asia? Powdered rhino horn is going to cure your cancer?) at least they believe it has medicinal properties so valuable that they'll pay it's weight in gold for even a few ounces. Elephant tusks, on the other hand, are used purely for decoration. Ivory is carved into shapes (sometimes, for irony, in elephant shapes), used to adorn silverware and handles and added around the house to show off wealth. How fucking vain. Oh, and sometimes elephant feet are also chopped off to be used as a side table to display more wealthy shit. Even ivory. Cause, you know, that's high fashion. And totally worth causing an entire species to decline and untold amounts of pain and suffering.

Again, I'm left to wonder what will happen when these animals do disappear from the planet because, let's be real, it's only a matter of time for most of them. There's only one species of rhino that is doing alright and that's only because of extreme protection, and even they had record deaths this year, and the rest are on the fast track to extinction. I'm still not sure what people will do when there's no more supply of rhino horn... will the existing horns skyrocket in price? Will Asian medicines be altered to include parts from other animals? Will the other animals used in Asian medicine be poached even more (bye bye tigers)? Will people realize they were silly to think that rhino horn or tiger penis had any benefits whatsoever and shrug that they're gone now? Will ivory become even more prized and will people begin hurting each other for a piece?

And what about the rest of us? I'm always one to revel in "I told you so," but (to quote my favorite movie butler/caretaker), "on that day... even I won't want to."

Eating Dogs

Don't do a Google image search for "dog meat."

Depending on where you live, the concept of eating dogs really doesn't give people the reaction that it probably (hopefully) gives you.

However, this is not going to be a debate about eating dogs.

I came across this article on CNN a while back that was provocatively titled "What's wrong with eating dog meat?" So of course I clicked on it, because... well, that's what it was there for (so I'm a sucker). The article was written in a slightly negative tone about how animal activists complained enough to make the Korea Dog Farmers' Association cancel their dog meat festival, which was designed to showcase the upside of eating dog.

Dog meat isn't actually consumed very often in Korea, so that's not the point (China is a little bit of a different story). The point is going to be a less animal activist and a lot more English major.

First, the writer calls it ironic that animal activists claim we shouldn't eat dogs because they're companion animals even though Korea didn't have many companion dogs until very recently. That's not ironic.

Second, the writer pulls quotes from other authorities to describe the difference between Korea's pet dog population (in the city) and meat dog population (on shit farms in the country), and how the only difference between these two types of dogs is that one was born in one place and one was born in another. As soon as this quote is finished, the writer launches into a just-because-we-don't-do-it-here-doesn't-mean-it's-bad closing argument. WTF? Where did that come from?

Her last words, calling a practice bad just because it's not a worldwide practice doesn't make a very good argument, follow several (very short) paragraphs about how dog meat isn't even a popular food, how more and more Koreans are taking on pet dogs and how animal activists in Korea have effectively shut down pro-dog meat festival. Ms Emily Lodish, you do not know how to construct an argument either for or against something.

But your editor can write a damn controversial title.

Dog Meat

China is discussing a possible ban on dog meat. Might happen sometime this decade. But you might be thinking, as I did, that dog meat is eaten because there's nothing else to eat, and it's better to eat dog than starve.

Wrong.

Dog meat is on restaurant menus and is rather popular. Dogs are collected in cages and sold and slaughtered. This video on CNN is pretty difficult to watch. It also shows how cats are kept before sold to the slaughter, but cat eating isn't as common. PRI did an interview on the ban, too, and both articles discussed the various reasons people eat dog. Many believe dog is healthier, can keep you warm in winter, help you sweat in summer, and that the adrenaline in the body before the animal is killed is beneficial (dogs are often killed in incredible inhumane manners in order to get that adrenaline). Because the Chinese are getting more and more companion animals dog and cat meat is gradually becoming less popular. Many dissenters argue that some of the animals being sold for slaughter may well be lost or stolen pets. Though no one is arguing that pet dogs should be eaten, there's no way to tell a dog is a stray once the collar is gone.

Actually, that's not true. Well known vegetarian Jonathan Safran Foer makes a case for eating dogs. And he even quotes Animal Farm! Winner! Foer makes a great point, one I've contemplated extensively for several months now, and one that makes me whip out my phone to check the EDF Seafood Selector every time I buy fish. It is strange that we eat some animals and not others, because we don't just eat the stupid ones. And even if we did just eat the stupid animals, no animal is dumb enough to not realize when life sucks and then you die a horrible death.

Whatever you do, do NOT do a Google image search for dog meat. Just don't. I did, and then did a search for cute puppies in order to not start crying. And now

Only You Can Prevent The Next Osama bin Laden

Finally someone has come up with the idea that, "hey, maybe all unborn babies aren't the next Einsteins; maybe you're preventing someone evil!" Pro-lifers insist that every sperm is most likely going to be God's next gift to mankind. Now, most parents believe their precious snowflakes are God's gift to mankind, or at least to themselves (heaven forbid I ever have children and have to be a parent), but the pro-lifers believe each blocked sperm literally would have most likely been the next Beethoven, which I don't really understand. Planned babies are normal, hopefully productive people but all blocked sperm and aborted fetuses would have been the next Martin Luther King, Jr.?

Maybe that blocked sperm would have been the next Hitler. How do you KNOW that sperm was going to do good? Maybe it would have been the next Charles Manson. These ads use the infamous faces of the worlds' recent/current evil leaders, while there isn't much to draw from this century in the way of exceptionally good people. Since there's more famous evil than famous good, maybe blocking those sperm is for the best? And while I'm at it, why isn't each egg the next Virgin Mary? Why do we only care about sperm?

Of course the Chinese have to get their panties in a bunch over this last one. They compare Mao Zedong to Hitler and Osama bin Laden. The nerve! Relax, China. These ads are coming from Germany. They're making fun of themselves and taking you with them, so be a good sport.