More TSA Goodness

This is genius. I should have been a boy, just so I could try this.

The Viagra TSA Experiment. Please click that link and watch the video (or read the transcript); it will be worth 5 minutes of your time. Just like it sounds, a man, named John, takes a hefty dose of Viagra (and I mean hefty...) an hour before arriving at the airport. Naturally, he refuses the body scanner, whips out his camera and records the ensuing and highly awkward male-on-male pat down.

If you've never had one of their pat downs this may not seem all that funny. But I've had a pat down*, and those guys have to be eye-level with your junk, so I imagine having a raging erection (while being fondled by a government agent in a room with hundreds of other people) being an interesting part of the day, to say the least.

What's better, the TSA agent was made aware that he was going to be touching a man who'd taken Viagra, and you know that was the only thing on his mind, probably especially as he was eye-level with it. John tried to joke around while being man-handled, and the agent went along with it for a while. Though you can't see in the video what the agent was doing when he decided to stop playing along, my guess is it was right at the point he had to actually look the erection in the eye. The procedure begins with arms and shoulders, moves to the chest and legs, and the end is the genital region. Maybe it's just hard (haha!) to find the humor in that situation when your job requires you to be on your knees in front of another man, touching parts you'd never otherwise touch, while the man has a raging boner. TSA agents are not paid nearly enough.

The last paragraph (for those of you not clicking on the link... shame) I'm going to share here because it's word for word exactly how I feel:

Our freedoms are being stripped from us (literally) with every body scan we submit to, but it's not the TSA agent's fault, of course. It's our fault. It's our fault for being so scared that we allow the government to take away our privacy, in order to gain the illusion of greater security. My stance is simple: I would rather have less security, and more freedom.

Thanks, John. I wish I had a penis so I could do this the next time I fly.

Also, looks like I'm not even safe in Canada. The US government is making Canada go through the same bullshit body scanners for all flights into the US. I remember reading that one of the TSA board members is the one behind all the scanners– he's making a shit load of money off our stupid fears.

*I opted out of the body scanner last October and had to submit to a pat down. Though the woman who inspected me was professional, at least to the point of not actually touching my sexy bits and using the back of her hand when she was near my boobs and butt, she was in a foul mood. I found that funny.

Government Endorsed Crime

Can't touch this.

Not that it will pass but this New Hampshire bill makes me very excited. Lawmakers in that state want to make the TSA pat downs and x-ray scanners sexual assault. Yay!

The new law will read:

An act making the touching or viewing with a technological device of a person's breasts or genitals by a government security agent without probable cause a sexual assault. This bill classifies persons convicted of the offense as tier III offenders under the criminal offenders registry.

Hells yes.

Again, not that it will pass. And here's why: the TSA is a federal authority, and federal regulations trump state regulations. So even if the bill does pass it would be taken down within months because it's unconstitutional to have a state law in conflict with a federal one. Also, if we're going to force TSA agents to rely on suspicious behavior then we open up the racial profiling can of worms. A simple way around this would be to train TSA agents on the psychology and body language of suspicious people, but noooooooo, that's not what TSA does.

I'm just glad there are some law makers who are as angry about this whole ordeal as I am. Thee body searches seem like the biggest invasion of privacy and the fact that they're government sanctioned makes me sick. Does Canada have body scanners and obnoxious (and invasive) pat downs?

EDIT: Texas introduced a similar bill! Except this article says airports are regulated by the state governments, not the Federal government. Maybe these laws have a chance after all!

Airline Woes

This photo really doesn't make me feel sympathetic towards TSA agents.

The hot topic in the news now is how the TSA sucks at doing their job. An editorial in The Guardian described a few worst-case-scenarios in which passengers were moved to tears after being mistreated by TSA agents. Women have stories of TSA agents touching their labia, even their clitoris, while doing a standard pat down. Some were so horrified during the procedure that they broke down and cried, but the pat down must go on.

With all the negative press the TSA is getting, it's a little surprising (ok, maybe not all that surprising) that they're continuing on as if nothing is the matter. As if the TSA knows exactly what we're all saying about them and is pressing on even stronger just to spite us because they know we're powerless against them. That they'll grope and prod a little bit more because we whine and complain about it.

Which sucks.

However, a small ray of hopeful sunshine has graced the world of air travel. More airports are considering switching from TSA to private security. Executives are starting to realize that passengers are very stressed when moving through airports and that's bad for business. If passengers don't get that dreaded pit-in-the-stomach feeling going through security, aren't waiting in line for hours, and don't feel violated they might be a little less apprehensive and a little more willing to fly. Granted, for some people who fly very often there really isn't much choice, and granted there will still be the same security measures, like scanners and pat downs. But if employees can be fired on the spot for inappropriate behavior and if their profits depend on getting the job done right it shouldn't feel like a rape.

And speaking of rape, there are plenty of people who have had traumatic sexual experiences who couldn't handle being treated in such a way, in public. Is there job training for those situations? What does an agent do when a woman is shaking and in tears while spread eagle for a pat down? Letting her off the hook would pose a security threat, as any person could try faking terror, but continuing could send her to therapy or cause her to never fly again. And even people who have never had any sort of traumatic sexual experience feel highly uncomfortable with the intrusive searches. Whether or not airports move towards a private security company, there needs to be a method that will appease the TSAs security standards and make passengers feel comfortable. Unfortunately, because we're left with the choice of fly or don't go where we want to go, we feel helpless and are forced to put up with extreme violations.

Maybe the TSA and airlines can share a new year's resolution: make flying safer and more comfortable for passengers.