Rape

Before I get into this topic I want anyone reading to know I'm a very passionate person. Maybe it's the Italian/Irish in me or maybe it's the libra but things boil in my blood and make me very angry or deeply sad. 

This makes me both.

In the relatively short course of my adult life three individuals told me they were raped. One was raped as a teen by strangers at knife point and two were raped as adults by boyfriends, but didn't realize it was rape until after. All told me about their experiences some time after the incident occurred, but none reported it. I'm beginning to wonder if reporting a rape is just something that happens on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit...

Once upon a time a woman could not be raped by her husband. A woman was property of her husband, could legally be beaten and could not possibly be raped by the man who married her and fathered her children. In this day and country women are born with more rights than ever thanks to the women generations ago who fought tirelessly for them. It kills me to know that every day women are raped and don't say a word until it's too late, if ever.

What most amazes me is how often women believe the excuses. So and so would never do that to me. He's my boyfriend/husband, he wouldn't rape me. I was drunk/high, so it's my own fault. We'd been flirting for a while, and I would have had sex with him anyway. I didn't exactly say no, so it wasn't exactly rape. He was drunk/high, and he didn't mean it. I know I said stop, but he didn't hit me or get violent. I could have tried harder to make him stop but I didn't, so it's my fault. 

Why, women, do we delude ourselves? Why are we protecting the men who violate us? Why are we so quick to take blame for crimes committed against us?

Don't tell me it's because it was so traumatizing that they'd rather forget it and move on than relive it. Because it's so traumatizing women should want to stop these men, or at the very least make them aware of their actions. No woman alive forgets a rape. She may move on, but it will stay with her and affect her and her choices and relationships for the rest of her life. I wish that women would realize the protections they have in the law and realize the responsibility they have for other women. The statute of limitations in California is up to ten years, and rape is a capital offense. I understand that rape can be hard to prove if there's little evidence, but isn't making a report better than nothing? Speak up, ladies. Speak up and show yourself and the world that you're more than a victim.

Am I alone? Am I naive? What would you do?

Rants and Rights

I know it's people's stupid choices and poor birth control use that results in unplanned pregnancies, but the fact that there really is no form of birth control that is 110% effective still terrifies me every time I think about it (which I try not to do, but sometimes it's impossible). 

So I got on Google and am liking Essure. It's simple, it's more effective than tubal ligation, doesn't destroy the man's sense of manness, and is pretty cheap and sometimes covered by insurance. (It's fast, it's simple, and the gold kit is free!) Doesn't even require anesthesia and the back-up period is only three months, during which you can still use pills. There's even a test to confirm whether or not it worked and your period still comes every month like normal (which is a huge relief). You could even use pills and be double sure you're not getting knocked up. Essure's website says it's the only form of birth control that has not resulted in a pregnancy in clinical trials (it's been around for 5 years) which makes me wonder why the Mayo Clinic says it's 99.8% effective. That's still interesting because the Pill is 99.9% effective... How is sterilization less effective than perfect use hormonal birth control pills?

I wish the male pill would come out now. I want a back-up that's not a condom, but all the other forms are just as spontaneous and effective as condoms. Unfortunately, no doctor would sterilize a 23 year old woman, which, honestly, should open doctors up to lawsuits. If a woman got a lawyer to draft a liability waiver that made her unable to sue the doctor for anything related to the sterilization and signed it in front of the doctor, lawyer, and doctor's lawyer (which they already make you do, kind of) and the doctor still refused to sterilize her she should be able to sue the doctor for child support if she got pregnant. 

The mother of a friend of mine had cervical cancer but her doctors wouldn't give her a hysterectomy because they claimed someday she might want more kids. Even though she had cervical cancer. Even though she already had two kids. Even though she wasn't married. Even though both her kids were unplanned. Even though she should not be having kids at her age or after being treated for cervical cancer. Did I mention even though she had cervical cancer? Doctors are cruel idiots sometimes. 

I know I wouldn't be able to get Essure now (not until I have at least 2 kids and am over 35, which totally defeats the purpose), but it still sounds awesome. And since abortion should be illegal, if you asked some people, women not only can't do everything they can to prevent pregnancy but they also must raise the accidents when they happen. Sigh... Little women still can't make decisions about their own bodies.

So there's my rant. I get all worked up over stuff like this when my body starts complaining in the middle of my preset cycle. Damn hormones.

Children's Pool

No more, harbor seals. No more...

Today, in the second controversial decision this week, a San Diego Superior Court judge ruled that the Children's Pool must be returned to the children. The seals must go.

I always side with the animals in things like this. Though the cove was built (in 1931) as a safe place for children to swim, it has since become overrun with harbor seals. They've had generations of babies, imprinted that tiny beach in their minds, and pooped it up year round. They've (apparently) also attracted sharks to the area, though shark attacks in San Diego are so rare. 

My question is what is so special and important about this tiny cove that this small war has waged for 15 years? I've been there many times in the last 4 years, and these last 4 years have seen the most fighting, and it's just a maze of sharp rocks and plant life, outside of the seals. Even if the seals and their poops were nonexistent, I wouldn't want my kid in the children's area that's filled with sharp rocks. Because the cove is protected from the tide the waves don't have much effect on the sandy floor, which means rocks can't be worn down and sea weeds can't be uprooted. 

It seems to me that, seal poop aside, that cove is in need of a major overhaul if it's going to serve its original purpose. I also have a brooding feeling that by calling it a "children's pool" parents will think it really is a pool, and not a part of the ocean, and will allow their children to wander and swim unsupervised (or with distracted supervision). It's only a matter of time before the first lawsuits roll in.  

Proposition 8

Made me so happy!

I'm not surprised at all that the ban on same sex marriage was upheld today. Asking California's Supreme Court to lift the ban based on a technicality was a long shot, and a move that controversial wouldn't be decided based on a technicality. So it'll either go to the US Supreme Court or back to the ballot. Since justices decided to keep the validity of the existing same sex marriages this might be a court case: the law is going to have a hard time discriminating against only some gays. 

Pre-march crowd.

A rally was organized at Balboa Park today in protest of the courts decision, followed by a march, and I went to check it out and take some pictures. A rather large turnout gathered on the grass lining Sixth Street; some brought dogs, some brought signs and some brought bottles of water to hand out to the marchers. I filled out a post card to President Obama saying why I believe in marriage equality. I took forever to think of something clever to say, but the nearly blank card began with "I believe in marriage equality because" and all I could come up with was something about how the Declaration of Independence doesn't say "except for gays."

Coolest sign there.

I was asked to say into a video camera, in 15 seconds or less, how the ruling affected me. I said something very lame and once I got back home I realized I should have said: "The ruling makes me feel like I am a better person because of my sexual preference, but that is not how I want to be judged. I'm sure homosexuals don't want to be judged for their sexual preferences either."

Yay St. Paul's!

Last week a few California voters shot down several propositions aimed at reducing the state deficit from 20-something-billion-dollars to 15-ish-billion-dollars. Shouldn't we be doing everything we can to raise money in this time of need? Gay marriage won't save our state, but an influx of weddings would certainly help our economy. Who knows, maybe with the revenue and taxes generated from gay marriages we wouldn't have to take as much money from our schools. Ha, I'd love to see research on that.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

To my homosexual friends and neighbors: One day we'll look back on all this and be ashamed and embarrassed that we thought you were second class citizens and our kids and grandkids will be amazed you didn't have the same rights as everyone else way back when. When the baby boomers start falling we'll be heard, and we'll make it right. Eventually...

Props!

My Advice

Don't be afraid.

Everyone, including myself, could use this advice today and every day. Fear hold us back as individuals and as a group, or race, or species, or nationality. Fear changes our motives and actions and can often prevent us from doing what we really want to do. 

The reason this piece of advice can apply to anyone at any time is because it's so vague and encompassing. Even the fearless have at least one fear, be it of being alone, of others opinions, change or of their own deep thoughts. America was so afraid of another attack that we were willing to sacrifice the very ideals that we were bombed for. People too often marry the person they're with more because they're afraid of being alone. People lower their own standards because they're afraid they won't live up to their own expectations. They stay in one town because they're afraid of starting over on their own. Or even live in fear of regret.

Living in fear, no matter how common your fear is, is no way to go through life. What is going to happen is going to happen and worrying about change or something you can't affect only gives you an ulcer. Don't be afraid.