June 10, 2009

In Which I Realize I Read (And Sometimes Speak) Snark, I Don't Write It

I wish I was funny enough (and the economy was good enough for me) to write for The Onion. So much good, dry humor. I was thoroughly upset when I learned they would stop all west coast print editions last month. (If you know anything about The Onion you must know how hard it was to find a news article for a link.) One of my favorite things to do in San Francisco is look for a copy of the newspaper. It's like a hilarious newspaper version of Where's Waldo.

I love this recent Onion article. Because I'm not single often enough to actually have one of those guy friends who follows me around until I break up with my current douchebag boyfriend, I can't relate too much. Actually, let me rephrase that last sentence... Because I haven't been single in 7ish years any guy friend who was at one time following me around in hopes I would become single has long since given up and found someone else to pester with thoughts of romance, thus I can't relate too much. Ugh. The rewrite makes me sound old.

On the bright side it made me think of a twist to the theme: friends who are also in a relationship but still entertain thoughts of you two hooking up and having babies when you miraculously both become single at the same time. There are not enough sitcoms with this type of situation. (Think about how many TV shows and movies are built around the "we're just friends until you notice I exist" story, and how many are built around the "we're just friends until we're both single, then we'll make like rabbits" story. It's absurdly uneven.)

The most awesome thing about this story, though, is that it has TWO bright sides! Imagine that! The second, and no less awesome, bright side is I discovered the iFeast. It's an ingenious device that not only plays your MP3 player but also feeds and waters your pet! Now your puppy or kitten can rock out to your crappy playlist while trying to eat. Fortunately for pets everywhere, this product does not actually exist. The box, however, does, and can be purchased as a gag gift or as something kind of funny to hold the lame gift you bought. Unfortunately it reminded me of a product that does exist: the iPond. This device will hopefully swim with the fishes, and give that phrase a whole new meaning.

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