After 6 days of hand wringing and lots of reading, my computer works again. At first I thought, well, what do I really use my computer for anyway? Facebook, Fark, CNN, paying bills... Shit, that last one is kind of important.
And writing. Turns out when my blog is unavailable I kind of freak out and feel trapped, which doesn't help the feeling of "I'm so stressed out I could drive my car into a brick wall." But I won't do that. No, I'll take my stress-induced cold, continue working every hour I can finagle and continue writing about whatever is pissing me off this time.
And until I get a new computer sometime next year (ha) I may have more typos involving the letters "t" and "h"... Don't ask, I feel like a retard as it is.
Did a lot (and I mean a lot) of thinking this week. I'm tuning in to my non-visual memories more, especially smell and sound. Sawdust makes me feel like I'm a kid about to get something new. Smoke from a fire gets me excited. Timpani and trumpet takes me back to the band room. And then, suddenly, a simple experience reminds me of a dream I had. I wanted to create an elephant sanctuary where unwanted and uncared for elephants could live out free, dignified lives. I spent 3 hours this week hosing down bird cages, even going in with a crowned crane (which was freaking awesome), and realized that's what I want to be doing. The smell of sawdust meant that something I was getting was a cage or fence for a pet. Feeding and cleaning up poop is just a part of getting to know an animal, and it's not even really a downside. You learn things you wouldn't otherwise learn, like the hornbill is obsessed with her ball and is very aware of her surroundings at all times.
In reading "Mister Zoo" I realized it's OK to be very passionate about animals and conservation, because you can do great things for the world. I always felt a little on the outside, so when I shared animal information with people it was always a weird fact or related to humans in some way. But animals are interesting on their own to me, and now that I'm working in a place surrounded by like-minded people I'm learning to come out with it a little more. And I feel comfortable doing so. Kind of like that link I posted in the second paragraph.