February 5, 2011

The Month Of Love

Ah, February. Are you the reason I got that lovin' feeling when I left my apartment tonight, even though I was just going to work? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

But what caused it? Is all this running influencing my endorphins? Am I excited about making some positive changes? Or am I thinking about the prospect of going back to the job that made me the happiest I've ever been? Or could it just be all the heart decorations in windows, fresh flowers in grocery stores, and an extra lovey kitty?

Chuchumia brightens your day.

It's no wonder I'm such a happy camper the last few days– there's so much to be excited for! My family is coming to visit next weekend, I have Super Bowl Sunday off for like the second time in a decade, I get to sleep in tomorrow as late as I want, I'm happy about my living situation, and my future suddenly seems not so far away. And I'm excited about it, looking forward to it, like my life is a book that I simultaneously want to finish because I can't wait to find out how it ends but also want to go slowly and enjoy the experience because it's such a good one. Plus, I feel super accomplished every week just for running, and got a nice reward today when a shirtless guy ran past me with his two beautiful Weimaraners. Trying to keep up with them was far more motivating than any song on my iPod could be.

Then there's the job prospect. I'm not sure about returning to photo caravans. On the one hand, I loved that job so much and was retardedly happy that summer. But on the other hand, I still have nightmares about flightline and the anxiety makes me really not want to go back. But again on the one hand, maybe I need to remind myself that there are people at the Park who care about the animals and the guests. And maybe it would be good to go back to the place that makes me happy... After all, there's nothing in the world better than seeing giraffes and rhinos every day, or being around people who are as excited about it as I am.

See how happy I was? That was every day.

So we'll see. If I go to grad school and can't find a "real" job this might be a good opportunity. I'd just need to get over that pesky anxiety...

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