Elephants in Raincoats

Go ahead. Just try to find a cuter picture.

I've recently been introduced to my calling.

Over two years ago I realized I'll probably never be happy unless animals are a very large part of my life, which means they'll need to be part of my work life. Whether that's working with them directly, writing about them, or working with people for their benefit, having animals only in my personal life just ain't going to cut it.

Then I saw this article. Because of human actions these baby elephants are orphans. However, because of human actions these orphan elephants are loved and cared for. They even get raincoats! That's what I want to do. I want to give orphan elephants their raincoats.

Elephants are like people, perhaps more than any other animal. We might be almost genetically identical to bonobos but when it comes to animal emotion I'm convinced elephants share a more similar mind. This means elephants, especially baby elephants, experience something very similar to PTSD. Just like a human child would be scarred for life after experiencing the death of a parent, a baby elephant would be traumatized.

If I had a lot of money I would buy a lot of land (like, tons) and use the space as a sanctuary for elephants here that are neglected, abused, unwanted or unable to be cared for. They would be able to live out the rest of their lives on that land, be fed, be able to interact with other elephants, be cared for when they needed it, and not be made to work or perform. It would be like the Black Beauty Ranch, except just for elephants (and hey, maybe Babe would want to come to have some company).

And then there's this picture:

How fucking amazing is this?!?

Clearly I am not in the right place in the world. Screw my fear of chemistry and being halfway decent at math... I could be in veterinary school right now.

When I become a world famous author and have the money or enough pull to get the fundraising necessary to pull off my dream, that's exactly what I'm going to do. In the meantime, I'll find a way to meet myself halfway.

Why I Love The Oatmeal

As far as internet comedians go, The Oatmeal is easily one of my favorites. I started going to the website for the grammar and stayed for the ridiculousness.

The Oatmeal combines silly cartoons of dinosaurs (and other, non-extinct, animals) with intelligent observations on life. I mean, the guy made a guide on how to pet a kitty. And it's completely accurate. And hilarious! Outside of grammar my favorite comics are called Minor Differences. I look at them at work sometimes and have to try very hard to not literally lol (Part 4 is my favorite).

Also, I found out The Oatmeal is a runner. And not just the I'm-gonna-take-a-quick-jog type of runner. He ran a 50 mile ultra marathon. Through mountains. That's hardcore running.

So not only is The Oatmeal a funny and insightful comic, but he brings awareness of our wonderful language to the masses (if you use the wrong you're/your on Facebook you better believe I'm judging you) and he's apparently a very active person. Props to you, Mr. Oatmeal. And please post things more often.

Eating Dogs

Don't do a Google image search for "dog meat."

Depending on where you live, the concept of eating dogs really doesn't give people the reaction that it probably (hopefully) gives you.

However, this is not going to be a debate about eating dogs.

I came across this article on CNN a while back that was provocatively titled "What's wrong with eating dog meat?" So of course I clicked on it, because... well, that's what it was there for (so I'm a sucker). The article was written in a slightly negative tone about how animal activists complained enough to make the Korea Dog Farmers' Association cancel their dog meat festival, which was designed to showcase the upside of eating dog.

Dog meat isn't actually consumed very often in Korea, so that's not the point (China is a little bit of a different story). The point is going to be a less animal activist and a lot more English major.

First, the writer calls it ironic that animal activists claim we shouldn't eat dogs because they're companion animals even though Korea didn't have many companion dogs until very recently. That's not ironic.

Second, the writer pulls quotes from other authorities to describe the difference between Korea's pet dog population (in the city) and meat dog population (on shit farms in the country), and how the only difference between these two types of dogs is that one was born in one place and one was born in another. As soon as this quote is finished, the writer launches into a just-because-we-don't-do-it-here-doesn't-mean-it's-bad closing argument. WTF? Where did that come from?

Her last words, calling a practice bad just because it's not a worldwide practice doesn't make a very good argument, follow several (very short) paragraphs about how dog meat isn't even a popular food, how more and more Koreans are taking on pet dogs and how animal activists in Korea have effectively shut down pro-dog meat festival. Ms Emily Lodish, you do not know how to construct an argument either for or against something.

But your editor can write a damn controversial title.

Boyfriend

Might've taken a few "o hai"'s...

That's a word I haven't said in a long time.

It's a word I've certainly wanted to say, especially in the last year, but no one really seemed to fit the bill. Turns out there was in fact one person I met in the last year who would fit the bill, who I was constantly texting, who was always down to hang out, and who shares my passion for animals and good food. Who knew, right?

My boyfriend (still getting used to saying that) and I started out as friends. Kind of... we started off on pseudo-dates, which progressed to friendship, which progressed to very good friendship, which has now turned into a full-fledged (and incredibly intense) romance. My pattern certainly seems to be dating acquaintances, but this is the first time I've gone after someone who has such an involvement in my life. I'm definitely digging it.

Although this whole thing is still incredibly new there's already a lot to be excited about. I can honestly say there hasn't been a person I've been this crazy for. Ever. Not that I've dated a lot, but still, for two weeks I've been constantly excited. Again, I know it's still brand new, and I know exactly how silly I sound, but I can't help that past boyfriends (and almost-boyfriends) have started out more meh than anything. Finally, a man who is actively exciting me from the get-go and who certainly seems to be just as excited about me. I could get used to this.

For more than a year if I couldn't have a boyfriend I at least wanted to be excited about someone, to have a crush on someone, or just even to be thinking about someone; when I started thinking about this guy I never expected to not only get those feelings and then some, but to have those feelings returned so absolutely. And the best part is because of our pre-existing friendship I already know what kind of person he is, he already knows what kind of person I am and (get this) we like each other anyway. There's no worrying about exposing our dorky sides and no need to hide behind whatever facade people hide behind when beginning a relationship. There's a high level of honesty and comfort built in.

I promise this blog won't be turned into a sappy lovey thing (I'll prove it with my next post), but it's just been a while since I've felt this way about someone, and there's never been a person to make me feel this instantly connected to him. I'm looking forward to the road ahead and the fun times it's sure to bring.

EDIT: Also, the universe works in a kind of funny way. A month after I decide to take a break from birth control for an unspecified amount of time I find someone I want to be with long term, someone I can't wait to undress and someone who wants babies even less than I do. . I feel like Robin when she meets Don because everyone told her as soon as she said she wanted to focus on her career she'd meet someone, except that for me it was birth control and I already knew the person I'd meet. And I'm very, very OK with that.

A Boy And His Dog

This came up in a Google image search for "ridiculously happy." Seemed appropriate.

In any normal situation I would never dream of coming between a boy and his dog. Last night, however, was not any normal situation...

When we're wooing a guy, women will go to all sorts of lengths to look impressive. We have make-up and tons of clothes and accessories available to make us feel sexy; I've definitely dressed the part and gotten all dolled up, but oh my god I don't think I've ever felt sexier in my whole life than when I was wearing just a t-shirt and a boy's favorite pajama pants. Nothing could have been more comfortable or felt better than that pair of well-loved burgundy pajamas while we made dinner. I'm not sure whether it was that I was offered pajama pants, that my boy offered them to me because he wanted to wear pajama pants himself, or that I was offered his favorite pair, but wearing them made me feel like a million bucks.

Back to this not being a normal situation: I'm not even really sure what a normal situation is, but I've been thinking and I can't remember a time I smiled this much or for this long without stopping. It's been 6 days and it feels like... I can't even say. I typed out a few similes but nothing sounded right. It feels amazing to be grinning this much, though.

Last night I fell asleep with a boy pressed up against me on one side and his dog cuddled against me on the other side, and there was nowhere in the world I'd have rather spent the night. I would have been happy to have spent the night with either of the two (though I'm quite a bit more partial to the boy) but sleeping in between both was like the best security blanket I could have imagined. I felt so welcome, so wanted, and leaving that comfortable place was the last thing I wanted to do this morning.

In any normal situation I'd never come between a boy and his dog, but if that boy and his dog welcome me between them I'll be the happiest person to stay.