Subliminal Advertising

You know you gonna buy that Hershey's syrup.

I think Facebook is trying to tell me something.

A while back Facebook decided the ads on profiles should be somewhat relevant. If you didn't like an ad you could remove it and were given a list of reasons to choose from to state why you didn't agree with the ad, from it being irrelevant to it being spam. So it's gotten a little better. At least now I'm not seeing ads for getting pregnant (but then again, now my status is single; at least Facebook isn't encouraging single motherhood).

But, now it seems Facebook thinks I need a boyfriend. Here's a sample of the ads on my profile:

Are you simple or sexy? Take a style quiz to determine your perfect fashion preference. I'm not sure I need an online quiz to determine if I'm simple or sexy. Everything I own is comfortable; there is nothing in my closet (except for one pair of heels I bought for a Halloween costume) that is fashion before comfort. The website is all about shopping celebrity and designer fashions and analyzing your style. Is this suggesting I need to update my style if I have any hope of getting a boyfriend? Kind of feels like it, especially when the next ad I see is:

Make him addicted to you. Learn the "secret psychology" to making a man fall in love with you and hooking him into a long term relationship. (Facebook says I've been single too long.) The website is run by a married woman who claims these secrets helped her save her relationship and turn it into a 20-year marriage. And you could too! All you have to do is sign up for membership and you'll attract men like magnets. There was a similar ad a few weeks ago promising to hook your man forever just by saying one thing. I couldn't help but guess that one thing was "I swallow." And if these tricks fail, there's always:

Earn a UCSD MBA. If you can't go slut and the "secret psychology" doesn't work there's always the nerds. Go for higher education and maybe you'll meet a nice man in class. It's like what college for women used to be before we realized we kick ass: go to college to spend some time not living with mom and dad, graduate with an engagement ring and spend the rest of your life forgetting anything you might have learned in those 4 years. But you can't go all CEO because ball busting women are just not sexy. However, these methods for grabbing your man could fail, and you might as well give up. Hence:

San Diego bucket list. At the very least I can live a full life doing fun things in my city alone. Manless. But there's one saving grace. The URL includes the words "living social," which tells me it's yet another means of meeting potential men. However, when I go to the website I find the best daily deals for Washington DC. Um, Facebook? I live in San Diego. I've never even been to Washington DC. Or Washington state, for that matter. I'm not looking to meet a man not in San Diego. If I were, well, I think everyone knows that story.

Dear World

I found this the other day and it inspired to write my own short, honestly sarcastic letters.

Dear World,

See how "world" is singular? See how I didn't say "dear worlds"? Yeah, we just got the one. Let's stop fucking it up.

Sincerely,

I dunno about that whole living on the moon idea.

Dear Tibia,

I just bought fancy new shoes. Why do you still hurt?

Sincerely,

The half marathon is only 2 months away

Dear Rich Relatives,

If you can fly half way across the country for funzies a few weeks in advance you're not living day to day.

Sincerely,

Living paycheck to paycheck sucks

Dear Eczema,

You're early this year! Now please go away.

Sincerely,

I would like to get laid

Dear Half Marathon,

Did it have to be on Daylight Saving Time?

Sincerely,

I work nights

Dear Students,

The "wash me" in Spanish on my window was funny, the dick was not.

Sincerely,

Grow up

Dear Economy,

Soooooo when's that whole "looking up" thing gonna go down?

Sincerely,

Job hunting is a full time job

Dear Neighbors,

You have the biggest parking spot. Is it necessary to encroach on ours? Could you learn to park within your lines?

Sincerely,

I'm going to dent your passenger door

Thanks, World. I feel better.

When I Travel

I've used this before, but it's just really cool.

Apparently I need to travel.

The students I work with are in a constant flux, always coming and always going. Sometimes the going is really sad. I meet people from many different countries and I want to visit them all. Some students feel so convinced that I'll visit them that they tell me all the things they'll show me when I come. When. Not if. Maybe it has more to do with their often limited grasp of tense, but I do get a feeling of certainty from them. When I visit Italy, when I visit Panama, when I visit Switzerland, they'll show me around, returning the favor.

So, I need to start traveling. I do want to visit all those countries and more. I've met wonderful people from Holland, Spain, Brazil, Korea, Japan, Germany, Taiwan, Sweden and some very interesting ones from Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Turkey. The cool thing is every student who's told me I should visit their country really means it. I would have a couch to crash on for the night, a personal tour guide for the day and I'd see someone I thought I'd never see again.

I've been wanting to teach English in another country... maybe Switzerland? Or Spain? Or England? Does England even take American teachers? While I'm there I could take extra time to travel Europe. Then maybe Brazil for the World Cup. Then maybe Panama for Carnavales.

Any one have a hundred thousand dollars or so I could use?

Old Year, New Year

Not too many people had a terrific 2010, it seems. On occasion I visit The Frisky, purely for entertainment. They have a section called, "Mind of Man," where their male bloggers write about dating from the man's perspective. John DeVore's writing is generally spectacular: well thought out, articulate and insightful. Here's an excerpt from his article on what he learned during 2010 called, "New Year's Resolutions Are For Suckers":

The heart is a haunted house. Love is the bait and the hook. In a way, everyone is an orphan Lego searching for the right brick to click to. A six-foot long chocolate brown couch made out of teddy bears can bring about a modicum of happiness. Facebook is not reality. Texting was invented to increase misunderstandings between lovers and friends, and therefore, comedy. There are friends who will take a bullet for you, and sometimes they’re the ones who shot the gun in the first place. Taking responsibility for your actions sucks, but it’s better than prescription-strength sleeping pills. Pillows smell so much sweeter when they’re scented with her face. Wet jeans are the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Tax accountants are wizards. In a zombie apocalypse, a shovel is as useful a weapon as a chainsaw. Lady Gaga’s music isn’t terrible. Moths are just goth butterflies. If you’re not prepared to be carbon frozen to save your friends, you’re not a man.

This past year, I also learned that one cannot fail forever.

Pretty damn poetic, Mr. DeVore. I agree with every word, even that line about Lady Gaga ("Paparazzi" is kind of catchy) and especially that line about texting. And I take serious comfort in his last line. It's time to stop failing.

Airline Woes

This photo really doesn't make me feel sympathetic towards TSA agents.

The hot topic in the news now is how the TSA sucks at doing their job. An editorial in The Guardian described a few worst-case-scenarios in which passengers were moved to tears after being mistreated by TSA agents. Women have stories of TSA agents touching their labia, even their clitoris, while doing a standard pat down. Some were so horrified during the procedure that they broke down and cried, but the pat down must go on.

With all the negative press the TSA is getting, it's a little surprising (ok, maybe not all that surprising) that they're continuing on as if nothing is the matter. As if the TSA knows exactly what we're all saying about them and is pressing on even stronger just to spite us because they know we're powerless against them. That they'll grope and prod a little bit more because we whine and complain about it.

Which sucks.

However, a small ray of hopeful sunshine has graced the world of air travel. More airports are considering switching from TSA to private security. Executives are starting to realize that passengers are very stressed when moving through airports and that's bad for business. If passengers don't get that dreaded pit-in-the-stomach feeling going through security, aren't waiting in line for hours, and don't feel violated they might be a little less apprehensive and a little more willing to fly. Granted, for some people who fly very often there really isn't much choice, and granted there will still be the same security measures, like scanners and pat downs. But if employees can be fired on the spot for inappropriate behavior and if their profits depend on getting the job done right it shouldn't feel like a rape.

And speaking of rape, there are plenty of people who have had traumatic sexual experiences who couldn't handle being treated in such a way, in public. Is there job training for those situations? What does an agent do when a woman is shaking and in tears while spread eagle for a pat down? Letting her off the hook would pose a security threat, as any person could try faking terror, but continuing could send her to therapy or cause her to never fly again. And even people who have never had any sort of traumatic sexual experience feel highly uncomfortable with the intrusive searches. Whether or not airports move towards a private security company, there needs to be a method that will appease the TSAs security standards and make passengers feel comfortable. Unfortunately, because we're left with the choice of fly or don't go where we want to go, we feel helpless and are forced to put up with extreme violations.

Maybe the TSA and airlines can share a new year's resolution: make flying safer and more comfortable for passengers.