October 10, 2010


I found out - on my birthday - that my sisters and I have no place in our dad's life anymore. I knew that he had asked my youngest sister to leave, I knew that he had kept her dog and took her key back, I knew he refused to see our middle sister in order to give back mail, and I knew he had no contact with them since. And my birthday came and went without so much as a card, phone call or even text message. Both sister's called, I texted back and forth with my mom all night long, friends called and texted throughout the day and my godmother texted and sent a card. Nothing from my dad.

Thing was, though, I figured that would happen. After he cut off contact with my sisters why should he call me on my birthday? As bad as I felt the next morning when I woke up and realized he really ignored me, it was also a small relief. He's made his feelings and intentions clear: the only company he cares about is his girlfriend. Other than her he has no family and that's the way he prefers it.

It's almost funny. My dad has been such a shit to us, even going to far as to spread lies and exaggerations about us (his kids!) to our extended family, telling me to my face he never wanted kids, telling my sister to her face that he would choose his girlfriend over us any day, and now has fully disowned us, abandoning his daughters for a manipulative woman, doing (to his pathetic credit) exactly what he said he wanted to do. At least he's consistent. And at least holidays will be a little bit simpler: no hurt feelings over whose house we go to for which meal, no trying to split the time evenly between parents, no fighting because we were a half hour late or had a big meal at one house and weren't hungry for the next.

But this abandonment, even though I knew it was inevitable, is a bit of a hurdle. Part of me hopes when they break up he'll see the error of his ways and go back to being a dad to us, but even if he does how could I forgive him? Being abandoned by a parent, no matter how old you are, is something you'll never forget. And as much as maybe I shouldn't feel this way because I know my dad and know how he is once a vagina decides to stick around, it fucking hurts.

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