An Absence, A Decision, And The Fate Of My Blog

Well, it's been a while since I've written here. This blog started when I was laid off from my first writing job after college as a way to give myself something to do while I looked for work and to keep my skills somewhat sharp. This was before I knew anything about blogging or internet marketing, so I figured no one would even read it - which didn't matter, since it was a personal project.

But then I learned about both. And I lost the time I had to write the kinds of things I wanted to. And I became a little frustrated that I wasn't doing more with the space on the internet I rent.

So, I made a new year's resolution (twice) to make my little blog a priority. And this year that resolution included buying real estate - buying a new domain, hosting it, and giving it a complete makeover: new name, new look, new focus.

Well, it's the end of June and not only has that not happened, but I haven't even kept up with writing in a few months. At first I was blaming being busy. To be fair, this had some truth to it: working full time, training for a half marathon, and trying to do all the normal day-to-day stuff like make dinner and see the boyfriend and friends, something just had to give. I don't read very much either and honestly don't spend a whole lot of time goofing off on the internet since I spend my whole day at a computer. Blogging just wasn't happening.

But the other reason it wasn't happening – which is related to me wanting a new focus – is because everything I wanted to write about was depressing. I have saved posts, email drafts, articles in Pocket, and ideas in my head... none of which have been published. At the end of my day the last thing I want to do is spend an hour or two writing about the plight of elephant poaching and how I'll very likely watch them go extinct, the plight of women around the world and how it's still our fault when we get raped, the total asshattery of our country and how the people we elect to get things done sit around like 5 year olds arguing over baseball rules ignoring things that really matter. 

But when I think about the focus I want, there isn't anything else I want to write about. I don't like writing about my personal life because 1) it's boring 2) who the hell cares. But what I'm really passionate about is the things that are hard to read about and frustrating to write about. 

So... I don't really know what I'm going to do. I don't want to stop writing, but I also know that in order to do what I want I have to make a much bigger commitment, and I'm not sure I can do that. Now that my writing also includes a food blog (that I do want to grow and which has a lot of potential), I guess I have a decision to make.

Getting The Best Start

When 2010 was such a terrible year in every facet I made the decision that 2011 would not be the same. It didn't happen all at once, but I eventually got a job that wasn't great but gave me abilities and skills I didn't have before (which led to the great job I have now), started the most wonderful relationship, and ran 3 half-marathons. When 2012 started (by the way, how is it that you can tell so much from a new year's kiss?) I was confident it would be as good as 2011 was, and it only got better. Now it's ending and I have an amazing job at a fantastic company, my relationship with the boyfriend has gotten stronger and I love where I live and how I live.

Going over my predictions for 2012 from last year, I'm a little disappointed. The Mayan End of Times was no big deal. People seemed to treat it like I've treated all of the past end of times... with a party. The last day of the world was the night my company's holiday party and the group next to us was an End of Times dinner party. Awesome, but there wasn't as much fear mongering as there used to be. I suppose people are becoming more rational. Sigh.

2012 has been the year of Apple. In June I bought myself a new shiny, and in October the boyfriend got me a mini shiny, helping me finally join the world of iPhone (yay!). I bought a heavy duty case for it, mostly because the boyfriend is convinced I'm going to drop it in the toilet or something (to his credit, just the other day I was holding it while standing perfectly still and somehow it leaped out of my hand, but my hyper-aware iPhone reflexes helped me catch it, so there), but I want a thinner case to show off the sexy profile. Cause let's be real: a big part of the reason I wanted this phone was because of the slim, sexy design, and my case lets everyone know that I'm a clumsy fool. Or that I have a toddler.

This month my car and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary and I can proudly say I'm a full-fledged stick driver. Plus, I taught the boyfriend to drive so whose car we take doesn't turn into a who has to drive situation. We took my car on a 2,00+ mile road trip up to Oregon in August and he gave it a couple of sexy photo shoots. 

There were a few sort-of disappointments this year. The main disappointment being I did not beat the 2 hour mark on my half marathon in 2012, and in fact did not even come close. I ran the worst race of my life, coming at barely under 3 hours. Embarrassing. But here's to making 2013 better.

I also took out the piercing I got in 2011, finally admitting that it was infected and just not worth the pain and hassle (and money). Rather than working towards 7 piercings, I'll just stick with the 5 healthy ones I already have and be satisfied with that odd number. Maybe that's me being a little bit of an adult... other people, some of whom are younger than me, are removing piercings because they aren't "adult" so maybe it's not so bad that I do, too. 

This year has been a pain in the ass for birth control. I still had no insurance so had to rely on Planned Parenthood even though I was working full time for all of the year, and it's been really frustrating having to give up so much just to stay un-pregnant. I'm not one of those women who has to take hormonal birth control for medical reasons, so for me it's just to be able to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend and not have children neither of us want. Which seems simple enough, doesn't it?

Also, the fish I got in 2011 died. 

I'm ending the year with almost as much debt as I paid off in 2011, which is OK because I have the money to pay it off, but have been saving it for an apartment deposit. Once I have my moving situation settled it'll be paid off in no time. Making pretty good money helps.

So what's going to happen in 2013? One of the first things will probably be moving. This will be a terrific milestone for me because I haven't moved since late 2010, a feat I never really thought I'd do (one thing that stayed the same from 2011 to 2012 was not moving). Now that I'm working 4 blocks from my current apartment I have no reason to leave - especially since I love the neighborhood. So finding a place that likes dogs will be one of my first tasks. My second task will be to start training for my 5th half marathon - the 3rd annual Safari Park Half. This time it's for rhinos! I'm so excited to run for the guys I love. My third event will be my first time as a bridesmaid! All of those activities will take place before June, so I have no idea what the second half of the year will hold, but I'm really excited. If the first 6 months tell me anything, 2013 is going to be another great year.

My resolution will be to redesign this blog, host it myself, and write 10 posts a month. I want a new name, a new home, and a new look. I would also like to do some of the same things for the food blog, even though that's still relatively new... Also take that blog a little more seriously and write a lot more. 

I would like to write about some of the other things that happened in 2012, things not directly related to me, but when I think about what the world was focused on this year (rape, shady politics, genocide, taxes) it mostly depresses me.

So here's to a fantastic 2013, to all of those in my life old and new, to those who had a great year and those who had a not so great year. May 2013 be one of the greatest years. Cheers!

Unsurprising Surprises

Since my early college days until pretty much now I've encountered people who have been surprised that I can write. This baffles me because I've always loved it, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense that people would react with surprise in finding out I can write decently well.

The first reason, which is the one I'm least willing to admit to myself, is that writing is still considered an art form, and when people say they're artists we just kind of assume they like to paint on the balcony but only their mothers think they're any good. Even though I tend to look at writing in a more scientific way, doing diligent research and having a well thought out plan, it is therapeutic (that's how it all started), and is an expression of myself. That I happen to be able to apply those skills to be useful to other people is the surprising part.

The other reason may be because I'm a girl (damn, I'm turning 27 in a few days... maybe I should start calling myself a woman). Women and girls are still, and probably will always be, considered far more emotional than rational, and when doing any sort of art or subjective work, like writing, we assume that emotional side will come through. I'm not exempt from this: when other women tell me they're artists or designers or something I go "well that makes sense" (though when I meet other women writers I don't have that immediate thought... strange?). This blog, since it's mine and I can do whatever I want with it, gets emotional. But my life is going to be emotional and when you tend to write about your life that'll show through. But like half the time, or maybe even more, I write about things that are going on that affect other people or animals. Sure I'm stepping in with my opinion, but again, this is my blog, so that's allowed. 

When I was starting my internship back in college I asked the editor if I could write an article for publication. It took me a few months to convince her, partially because it was for a parenting magazine and I clearly had nothing to contribute to that, but also because it was a magazine that was well respected and widely read, and they obviously needed to make sure the content in it was useful and appropriate. How much could they really expect from a young, childless intern? However, when I finally submitted my first article the feedback I got from the editor was "You can write really well. I had no idea." Damn I was proud. They let me write a handful of other articles, which were obviously edited a little for tone and audience, but still, I got published. 

Recently I was told something similar by two coworkers. One told me he'd seen this blog and knew that I was a capable writer and that the client of his I'd be taking over would be in good hands as far as the blog writing went. I was pretty pleased to hear that from a colleague. Just over a week ago another coworker said almost the same thing: he hadn't originally voted for me to join the  team, preferring another candidate, but after working with me the last two months and seeing my abilities, writing included, said I'd proven myself and he was glad I was part of the team.

While I feel like these little surprises others feel shouldn't be surprises at all, I also feel glad that they've come to those conclusions about my writing. It's something I love to do, take pretty seriously, and is supporting me (less so now, but still). I would hate to learn the oposite, though I doubt anyone would actually come up to say that to me, so hearing that I'm surprisingly good at writing is always nice to hear, even if I don't think it's surprising.

Working Woman

Oh god yes.

Aaaaaaand I got a job. Quickest bout of unemployment ever! Haven't even gotten an unemployment check yet, even, so that'll make taxes next year less confusing. 

I went through this blog from the last year or so and found six separate posts that are almost entirely about my job, why it sucked and how working full time and still not having money to do little things was wearing me out. I so wanted to find some awesome job, walk in to work and quit in a fantastic style, but being laid off because the owners couldn't work together anymore robbed me of that story. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have found the job I'm starting tomorrow had I not been looking in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. And for the first time in years, I'm taking a job not because it's there, not because I was offered the position, not because it's at least slightly better than the one before, and not because I have to have a job, any job, but because I wanted it when I saw it, because I think I fit in to the culture, because I have the same beliefs as the company and I believe we will support each other. For the first time since 2009 I'm excited to start a job that I think I will do great in, a job that suits me.

I spent the last three years in one job or another that paid the bills (sometimes barely... I still amaze myself with how little I actually need to survive on) and had its upside, but was mostly soul sucking. Working in the one department at the Wild Animal Park that didn't care about the animals and asked its employees to do whatever it took to make money was eye opening in a very bad way (especially for me), working for an English language school for international students that couldn't give a shit about the students' actual experience in San Diego and ruined many of their ideas of this country and this city was horrifying, and working for what I thought was a remodeling and home improvement company when all the owners cared about was signing a contract and cashing a check, flat out telling their employees they don't care about the customers and that we run a sales company, not a remodeling company and one that had favorite employees and employees that were constantly taken advantage of was shocking. And the job hunting process wasn't exactly a cake walk either, considering I'd been looking for months. When I was looking while still employed I wanted to find the right fit, and when I was looking while unemployed I was worried I'd have to once again take a job just because it was a job, don't much care what it is (watched a lot of Firefly last night).

I think, finally, I've found a company that not only does what it says it does, but cares about what it does (can you imagine?). Their mission statement includes the word passion in it. And from what the extensive interview process showed me, they really care who they hire because it's going to make a difference to the team, their creative process and their clients. I don't think a company would go through such an intense interview process if they didn't care so much. And I'm really excited if that's the case. I would love to be able to stay with a company for a few years and really grow with it and learn. I think I may have my chance to stop hopping around year after year.

Also finally, the boyfriend has a job he loves. After freelancing for... 4 years?... he landed a great job doing what he's been doing, only for an established photography company that gets its own clients and doesn't require him to do the whoring-himeself-out-for-work part. Which means all that stuff he doesn't like about the job he's doing for an hourly rate, and all the stuff he loves (photographing cars and food and animals) he can still do on his own time. And everything he does for the company gives him more skill. We've got the first step of the DINK system down now and one day we'll be those annoying pet parents real parents can't stand because we have disposable income for funzies (but we'll make it up by being a great aunt/uncle pair). The future is definitely looking good!

In Which I Am A Stereotype

Also, a girl.

No idea why this was the first girl I thought of.

In a twist that's mostly unlike me I'm feeling extraordinarily insecure about the world, my own life especially. I feel like I'm failing at most things and being mediocre at the rest and that in order to improve in any one area I need to give up another. Between working, training for a half marathon, the two blogs and job searching my time runs out so quickly. I'm tired constantly, have little energy and spending close to 12 hours a day working (or preparing to work) at a job that's emotionally tiring makes my enjoyable evenings fly by. 

It's disgusting how one of my coworker's is being treated and that I'm being used as a pawn to hurt her after I tried to step in and help, it's terrifying how one owner seems to be actively trying to run the company into the ground and it's frustrating to have been there a year with very little positive changes to the company. I don't have the tools to properly do my job, despite asking for them repeatedly, and have been told we're all expendable, which feels awesome. There is a silver lining to my job: I'm now in charge of the company's social media campaign in addition to writing, there are more promises of taking me off phone call duty (we'll see...), and one owner seems to really appreciate me. 

I loved running 15 months ago when I had only a part time job that I didn't have to get up early for and could do my running first thing, which I prefer but am much too tired to motivate myself to get up at 6. Now it's just an hour or more into my night that I could spend relaxing, cooking, cleaning, running errands, and keeping better tabs on this blog. I had more time to plan my meals to fuel my body and help it recover, could eat immediately and then rest after a long run, and had the energy to keep going without stopping for double digit miles. All of that is gone now. But even if I didn't have the blogs or didn't want to spend time with my boyfriend I wouldn't want my life to only consist of working and running- I don't like either that much. I miss when running was fun and having to do it makes it not fun.

On a daily basis I see people who have made their living from their blog or their passion (hell... I'm dating someone who's doing that) and I'm jealous. I read home remodeling blogs at work, follow people making a difference for animals on Facebook, watch my boyfriend become more successful doing what he loves and feel like I put in a lot of effort and time for something I don't care about, something that doesn't matter. I want to care about what I do, I want to work for a company that respects its employees and tries as hard as we do to make it into something great, and I'm not even asking or hoping to make a lot of money... just to sustain myself and live a modest life without worry. 

But a big part of my newfound insecurity is knowing that there are things I definitely want that I may not get. I've always wanted to get my Master's degree and for the last couple of years have wanted to pursue sociology, partially because it's a field I'm interested in that truly matters and partially because pursuing the field I really want is unrealistic, especially in this educational climate. As funds for higher education are being slashed left and right, as kids barely even have the tools they need to learn and compete in the world, my hope for returning to school while working is starting to fade. Classes at community colleges are being cut, which means the prerequisites I would need are few and far between, and student loans are at an all time high. It's not easy to be in school right now, and it's hard to imagine being in school while having a full time job on top of it- I couldn't even do that as a literature major in undergrad. Another thing I've (almost) always  known I wanted is to have someone I could build the kind of life one would build with a life partner (is it weird that "life partner" sounds less awkward than "husband?"), and as I get older I realize more that it's important to me. My sister recently moved in with her long term boyfriend and they got a puppy together, and while I'm exceedingly happy and excited for them both I can't help but hope I have a similar future. The up side is that for the first time in my life I'm with someone who doesn't come with a "but we'll have to break up eventually" addendum. Like the How I Met Your Mother episode, everyone seems to have a "but;" for the longest time that was "but he wants kids," and it's exciting to date without that on the table. But (ha, see?) it's also terrifying to feel strongly about someone else when I know what I want in my life. 

Hopefully the insecurities will fade quickly... taking care of my taxes this weekend will at least get that off my shoulders and if all goes well money won't be as big of an issue (at least I'll be saving for fun things). At the very least my race will be over in 5 weeks and after that I'll be able to look at running and going to the gym in a fun way because I'll want to do it, not because I have to. And, above all else, hopefully a better work opportunity will come my way soon.

Three Years of Blogging

I started this blog 3 years ago today (under a different name for a few days, until I settled on this) as a way to keep me focused and sharp during what would become a 3 month period of unemployment. There's certainly been a lot that's happened and changed in three years:


Got 2 jobs at the Wild Animal Park
Broke up with my long term boyfriend
Seriously doubted my faith
Collected unemployment insurance
Moved out of my wonderful studio
Changed my phone number
Lived with a friend
Lived with a crazy person
Had an amazing summer
Started running, seriously
Reevaluated my meat eating habits
Dated a friend, then ended the friendship
Used my Class B license for a job
Made a bunch of international friends
Had a shitty year
Said goodbye to a dog
Read a bunch of books
Remembered why I love living in San Diego
Was more or less dumped in favor of cocaine
Was more or less disowned by my father
Found a great roommate and a great apartment
Learned to love North Park
Got a writing job
Rediscovered my real passion
Celebrated 2 cousin's weddings
Ran 3 half marathons in 2 states
Made real friendships
Lost fake friendships
Fell deeply in love with a real friend
Traveled to San Francisco and Las Vegas
Sold a car
Bought a car
Started a new blog


This year has been amazing so far and the vast majority of last year was, too. I fully intend on enjoying the rest of it as much as I possibly can. Imagining what the next three years might hold is pretty exciting, too, especially (and this is where I get to be a girl) when I think about the amazing times in store with my boyfriend at my side. There's one thing that will always be certain in my life, in the next 3 years an beyond, and that is that I will always be writing. 

Intellectual Property and SOPA/PIPA

So, in a very timely surprise, I discovered a blog I write at work has been plagiarized. The blog is about garage doors and has several categories of posts, including cool and interesting garage doors, garage door repairs, garage door accidents and new products highlights. However, another garage door blog (seemingly unaffiliated with a garage door company or service, unlike mine), copied and pasted my words into their own WordPress blog. Word for word, except for a slight change to the first sentence and the omission of a phrase in parenthesis in one or two places. 


I noticed last week while researching a new blog to write about and started reading this other garage door blog. The words seemed very familiar, and a few sentences in I realized I was reading what I'd already written. My writing style is very personal- it's so easy for me to recognize my work, and when I had my other blog opened in another tab and could compare the words, it was obvious I had been plagiarized. This other blog stole two of my posts, that I knew about (searching through the entire website to find more of my work is on my to-do list this week), and made no attempts to change the wording or the meaning. 


So I wrote them a comment on each of the blogs. It's not necessarily bad that they're ripping me off - in part, it's a little flattering that they're reusing my words - but it is stealing when they aren't giving me credit. In the comment, I said I didn't mind them using my work as long as they included my bio and a link to my website and gave the website my contact information. That was, what, Thursday? I checked the website again on Friday and my comment hadn't been approved yet, and there was no action on their part. Monday I went in and checked the website again and still nothing had changed. Before leaving work today I checked once more: still no credit, but now there was a new blog post. And it was stolen from me.


And now it's time to fight. That website is a blatant rip off of my work and who knows how many other legitimate blogs and websites. After politely and generously permitting them to use my words, words I researched, crafted and spent my time putting together along with SEO techniques to help them show up in Google searches and appropriate and cited images where applicable, with a small and legal acknowledgement that I was in fact the person doing the writing, they completely ignored me and went on to steal again.


Fuck. You. Goddamn garage door blog. Fuck you for being so cocky that you're not approving my request for credit and still ripping me off when you know I'm watching. Fuck you for changing the first sentence in an attempt to mask what you're doing. And fuck you for not being cool about it and throwing my website a link. The whole point of my garage door blog is to bring in website views for the services we offer, the services that support our company, the services that contribute to my paycheck. And this other website is out there stealing my words and pretending I don't exist.


So I got Google involved. And WordPress. And the big dogs will, hopefully, rain swift justice on them and force them to take my stolen posts down. Maybe the website will get investigated and shut down for stealing intellectual and copyrighted data.


The fact that all of this is going on immediately before SOPA and PIPA are being voted on is just timely. As of writing, Wikipedia is blacked out in opposition to SOPA (which is currently "shelved indefinitely") and PIPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act and Protect IP Act, respectively, and Reddit will follow in a couple of hours (as well as a number of other much smaller or personal websites). The supposed intent behind SOPA and PIPA is to protect artists and intellectual property holders from having their content stolen, either through illegal downloading or blatant plagiarism. Copyright protection sounds like a noble cause but the reality is it would allow big corporations to go after individuals and who's to say the profits would go to the artists in the end? 


Further, now that SOPA is shelved I'm convinced SOPA was just a front for PIPA to pass quietly. Here's why: SOPA was a big deal when it was announced. Once the public (slash the internet) discovered exactly what it was and what it could mean (because it was vague in all the wrong places) it became the devil. Groups became very vocal against it, calling senators for days and requesting meetings and seemed to eventually do enough to get it shelved for the foreseeable future. But PIPA isn't much better than SOPA and that's still on the table. In fact, it's getting voted on in a few days. And because it's been much quieter it has a good chance of passing. Which leads me to believe SOPA was just bad enough to get people riled up enough to make a fuss, on purpose, so they could cancel SOPA and slip PIPA through.


Normally I'd be linking a few different things in this post to outside sources for reference and citing, but SOPA and PIPA would probably go to Wikipedia pages, and the English versions are blacked out for the next 23 hours (as of writing), so I'm just not going to link anything.

Two Thousand Eleven

After the disappointment that was 2010 I decided 2011 was going to be better. It so fucking was.

First, it was a year overwhelmingly full of love. I fell in love with San Diego all over again, discovered a love for running (which I'm working on rekindling as the year closes), and fell ridiculously crazy in love with a wonderful friend who I absolutely cannot wait to spend the next year with. I love my neighborhood, my brat of a cat, my apartment with the bars on the windows, and my new car. I loved seeing my friends move on in adulthood and succeed, paying off the debt I'd carried around since graduation (one of my favorite accomplishments), and seeing my sister get serious with someone who's great for her.

I started off the year by participating in a flash mob. I enjoyed it a ton, even though my roommate got really sick the days leading up to it and wasn't able to do it with me and now that flash mobs are so last year, I can at least say I participated in one. For silliness.

Easily my biggest accomplishment for 2011 was finishing 3 half marathons, 2 5Ks and a 4 mile race for a total of 49.3 racing miles and who knows how many training miles. I bought two new pairs of running shoes, several pairs of dry wicking socks, a running jacket, shorts and an iPod and send a few hundred dollars on entry fees and transportation. I have a small stack of bibs, 3 finisher medals (one of which glows in the dark!), a bunch of safety pins and more technical t-shirts than I know what to do with. It's a good feeling, and when I continue in 2012 I'm gonna try to beat that 2 hour mark.

Probably my second biggest accomplishment for 2011 was not moving. That's right, I had the same address for a full year, something which seriously doesn't happen very often for me. One of my goals for 2012 (a ridiculously easy goal, at that) is to make this address the one I live in the longest in San Diego. I have absolutely no intentions of moving, and unless my roommate decides to buy a place she doesn't either. North Park certainly feels a lot more like home now, and I've learned to appreciate what it offers.

I also was able to find a job in my area, one in which I'm using my degree (and, for the most part, need it) and making a higher rate than I ever have, which, now that there's a car payment, still seems like I'm just getting by. My commute is short, my hours are good, my coworkers are a lot of fun to be around and my boss can be pretty generous when he wants to be. It may not be my dream job, and one goal for 2012 will be to find my dream job, but it's good for right now, and it's helping me learn a lot that's going to help me in the future.

This year was not without it's down moments, however. In a coincidental yet poetic turn of events, the day before my birthday, which just so happened to be a day before the 1 year anniversary of my dad officially cutting me out of his life, I went to his house and gathered the last of my belongings there. It was civil and very quick and I'm glad to have gotten it over with, but it has made the last few months extra full of anger and resentment. Every time I see an older woman with red hair I feel incredible hatred towards these perfect strangers. It's becoming difficult to understand how such hatred can exist in the same place as such incredible love.

It was also not a good year for electronics. My camera battery is 99% dead, and the minute or so that it holds a charge really isn't long enough to take and download even one picture. Also unfortunately, I don't think they make those camera batteries anymore (at 4 years old it might as well be ancient) so it looks like I might have to buy a new one. Lucky for me, however, I have my own personal photographer (ok, he's not my own personal photographer) who is usually willing to take my pictures for me, so buying a camera isn't an immediate need. My computer also took a turn for the worse- a laptop without a working screen isn't good for much. The weird thing is after all the shit I put that machine through it still works perfectly and is way faster than the one I've been borrowing for the last few months, except for the screen. A new MacBook Pro is very, very high on my list of things to buy once I pay taxes. Finally, though this isn't really an electronic, my trusty Hyundai Accent died, forcing me to buy a new car.

Other events this year included two cousin's weddings, a trip to Disneyland, discovering goodies at my farmer's market, the rapture, the return of 90s TV shows, learning to drive stick shift, paragliding, getting my 6th piercing, not cutting my hair (it's super long!), a power outage, and getting more fish. It's been a very full year, and I'm proud to say I achieved the goals I set for myself at the beginning. I'm also happy to be looking forward to 2012, taking steps to accomplish my new goals, and sitting with my boyfriend and a bucket of popcorn as we watch people flip out over the Mayan calendar prediction.

Why I Love The Oatmeal

As far as internet comedians go, The Oatmeal is easily one of my favorites. I started going to the website for the grammar and stayed for the ridiculousness.

The Oatmeal combines silly cartoons of dinosaurs (and other, non-extinct, animals) with intelligent observations on life. I mean, the guy made a guide on how to pet a kitty. And it's completely accurate. And hilarious! Outside of grammar my favorite comics are called Minor Differences. I look at them at work sometimes and have to try very hard to not literally lol (Part 4 is my favorite).

Also, I found out The Oatmeal is a runner. And not just the I'm-gonna-take-a-quick-jog type of runner. He ran a 50 mile ultra marathon. Through mountains. That's hardcore running.

So not only is The Oatmeal a funny and insightful comic, but he brings awareness of our wonderful language to the masses (if you use the wrong you're/your on Facebook you better believe I'm judging you) and he's apparently a very active person. Props to you, Mr. Oatmeal. And please post things more often.

So Much More Than This

"I'm famished!"

Ah, the job search. That never-ending search for a job that sucks your soul least. As I start my 4th week at my new job I hit the depressing realization that I do not give a shit. And it's not even like the money is good, either. It would be somewhat decent if it was for something I cared about, but using all of my creative juices to convince people to call us for their garage door repairs isn't what I saw myself doing.

On the upside, I am learning a lot about SEO, which is all the rave with my field. But on the downside I'm being asked to put a lot of effort (skipping lunch, staying late and working in a stressed environment) for not a lot in return and for something that doesn't really matter.

This is where it sucks being an idealist. I'm not about doing what it takes to make the big money, or working a shit job so I can afford nice things or doing something I don't like or don't care about only because it pays well. It's more important to me to love my work, like my coworkers and look forward to Monday, rather than just the paycheck. As long as my needs are met and I can support my lifestyle (which is far from that of the rich and famous) without worrying about every dollar I spend, I would much rather do something I love and always be a little poorer than be miserable and rich.

Will I find my happy middle ground or, if I'm lucky, that perfect job? Is there a position out there that will allow me to help others, improve the world and feel good while also letting me live comfortably? No one helps me financially; my parents don't pay my rent, I don't have a boyfriend or husband or sugar daddy to pay my bills or buy me nice presents, I do everything for myself. I need to work to support myself because I have absolutely no choice. Unfortunately, I'm afraid, the jobs where you can genuinely help others and make the world a better place are pretty low-paying jobs. I might be able to make a paycheck doing something I'm passionate about but if I ever want to have a savings or retirement plan I better marry rich. And while it would be nice to work for fun and not because I need the money, I kind of doubt that'll happen. I made my peace a long time ago with being at least a little poor, but I would like to live in a place that doesn't need bars on the windows.

Too much to ask?

Writing, Writing

Eh.

My hours are filled with writing words. My thoughts are all about writing. When I'm struggling to find a new, interesting way to tell prospective clients about garage door springs (they make a cool "sproing!" sound when they break?) I'm thinking about what I'll write at night. I don't necessarily want to spend all of my waking hours in front of a screen thinking about the right words and the perfect order they go in, but when I leave my job in the evening I'm already planning out my own words. Which could mean one of two things: I'm really a writer and can't get sick of it, or I'm doing a lot of self psychology.

I worry that the situation with my dad is doing the damage it usually does to people. Because I feel so rejected by him I feel other rejections so much more. That's so unfair not only to me but to the people in my life. When I first realized what my dad was doing I remember thinking of how it would affect my sisters and I in 6 months, a year, 5 years, 10 years. I wondered what our relationships with men would be like, if we'd be screaming for attention or looking for the wrong kinds. If I were in a committed relationship I'd be happier with it, glad there was a man I could look up to, someone I loved who wasn't a complete jackass. It kind of sucks not being in a relationship and wanting one, and having slight abandonment issues doesn't really help. You would think that being 25, a complete adult by anyone's measures, would make me exempt from those feelings, but apparently not. Hopefully, if I go down the sociology path, this will give me good thesis ideas. If nothing else, maybe I can at least use my experiences for good.

It makes sense for me to be drawn to sociology. Researching, case studies, writing, and probably endless reading seem to be involved. I already have those skills. It would be so exciting to use them for something I'm so interested in.

Grammar And The Internet

If this guy ever comes into your lunch place, run.

I recently (and by recently I mean several weeks ago, I just forgot to publish this post) finished reading a grammar book called Eats, Shoots & Leaves, by Lynne Truss. Though it may sound nerdy, it was actually very funny. Even the title is a joke:

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "Well, I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Get it??? Pandas eat shoots and leaves (you know... bamboo) but the manual incorrectly used a comma in between eats and shoots so the panda ate, shot and left! Ha ha!

Anyway, the rest of the book was fun to read. But towards the end I did find a funny problem, and it had nothing to do with the fact that this book is about English English and I'm an American (though I could adapt to English English very quickly as I already use some of the un-American grammar described in the book). The book was first published in 2003 when personal computers and access to high speed Internet was first fully mainstream. So when I was starting college, buying my first laptop and becoming fluent in what Truss (and others) have dubbed "Netspeak" she (and others) were trying to make sense of this chatting and texting business that seems to have forgotten all about grammar. Which is perfectly understandable. When something comes along that changes life as we know it so dramatically (do you remember the time before the Internet?) those who were not only used to the previous way of life but who made a living in that previous way of life must be a little reluctant to adapt to these new ways. Especially if that previous way of life was proper English grammar and those who made a living in that previous way of life were grammar sticklers (we call them Nazis). Texting and chatting shorthand must drive them up the wall. However, this paragraph made me lol:

I've just spotted a third reason to loathe emoticons, which is that when they pass from fashion (and I do hope they already have), future generations will associate punctuation marks with an outmoded and rather primitive graphic pastime and despise them all the more. "Why do they still have all these keys with things like dots and spots and eyes and mouths and things?" they will grumble. "Nobody does smileys any more."

HAHAHA, Ms. Truss, how little you knew. Welcome to 2011, where the emoticon is not only still just as popular but often absolutely necessary. No matter how effective of a writer you are, it's still nearly impossible to get the proper tone across when dealing with a sensitive issue (or just teasing, as I've come to learn) in a short text message. Plus, it facilitates flirting a whole hell of a lot.

Though I have to agree with Truss on other annoying means of emphasis. Exclamation points are not to be used in every sentence and certainly should not be over-used (which I find is a symptom of the older generations!!!), all caps means YOU ARE YELLING AT ME (which just makes me ANGRY), and italics and dashes (oh god, and ellipses, please please please do not use ellipses after every half thought) need to be pulled out only when necessary. But then again, I'm the kind of person who writes full and completely punctuated text messages, judges those who don't, and has a hard time deciphering poorly written and badly punctuated corporate emails.

But an interesting thing has occurred in recent months; a new form of emphasis has been adopted by the younger generation (younger being those still in high school, a whole ten years younger than me) which involves retyping the last letter of a word to emphasize that word. "I love you" is now "I loveeeeeee you" and it means "I love you very much." This would make sense with a word like "so": "I love you sooooooo much" is something people actually say IRL. People don't actually say "loveeeeeee." You can't even pronounce that because the "e" is silent. But, and here's the logical kicker, you could say "loooooove." Quite often now I see on Facebook, "I'm veryyy exciteddd!" I can only assume that some kid somewhere knew enough to figure out that some words can be emphasized by retyping the last letter in that word (like "so"), but didn't know enough to know that it doesn't work with every word (like "very"). But it caught on anyway. During a chat once I actually mentioned to a friend my appreciation for his knowledge of the difference between words that can be emphasized that way and words that can't. He wrote, "I'm reeeeeally looking forward to..." when he could have written "I'm reallyyyy looking forward to..." So I thanked him. And to my surprise he knew exactly what I meant and said it annoys him too. Halleluja!

I doubt the new emphasis of retyping the last word will stick on, and if it does I hope it will stay among the younger generations (I hope people grow out of that and we're not reading corporate emails with "very importantttttt" in the subject line), but I like that the Internet is causing trends to be born at this quicker rate. Truss mentions that in the time before the Internet it was near impossible to add a new punctuation mark, and even if one got approval from the grammar gods it was hardly used and would likely not become mainstream. I think if an idea is good enough it will stick around long enough and with access to all the ideas out there at our fingertips we have an opportunity for communication that would never have been possible otherwise.

Old Year, New Year

Not too many people had a terrific 2010, it seems. On occasion I visit The Frisky, purely for entertainment. They have a section called, "Mind of Man," where their male bloggers write about dating from the man's perspective. John DeVore's writing is generally spectacular: well thought out, articulate and insightful. Here's an excerpt from his article on what he learned during 2010 called, "New Year's Resolutions Are For Suckers":

The heart is a haunted house. Love is the bait and the hook. In a way, everyone is an orphan Lego searching for the right brick to click to. A six-foot long chocolate brown couch made out of teddy bears can bring about a modicum of happiness. Facebook is not reality. Texting was invented to increase misunderstandings between lovers and friends, and therefore, comedy. There are friends who will take a bullet for you, and sometimes they’re the ones who shot the gun in the first place. Taking responsibility for your actions sucks, but it’s better than prescription-strength sleeping pills. Pillows smell so much sweeter when they’re scented with her face. Wet jeans are the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Tax accountants are wizards. In a zombie apocalypse, a shovel is as useful a weapon as a chainsaw. Lady Gaga’s music isn’t terrible. Moths are just goth butterflies. If you’re not prepared to be carbon frozen to save your friends, you’re not a man.

This past year, I also learned that one cannot fail forever.

Pretty damn poetic, Mr. DeVore. I agree with every word, even that line about Lady Gaga ("Paparazzi" is kind of catchy) and especially that line about texting. And I take serious comfort in his last line. It's time to stop failing.

Disclaimer

HA! Yes.

I suppose I knew this day would come sooner or later.

A couple of my more loyal readers have asked, "what if someone you write about reads your blog and gets upset?" I'd taken this into consideration and decided when I began to not use any names or nicknames, with few exceptions (certain people know who they are and so does pretty much everyone else, so why bother?). A person reading about themselves will probably recognize themselves, but no one else likely will (again, except for those few exceptions).

The other day I got a phone call from a certain person who, having discovered this little corner of the Internet from another certain person (who, by the way, went to the Glenn Beck rally in DC, which is a whole 'nother can of worms) expressed extreme displeasure at some, um, less than flattering (but not untrue) depictions. Because this certain person brought it to my attention, saying some rather unflattering things in return, I promised to exclude her from this blog in the future.

Which brings me to the point of this whole ordeal.

I started writing publicly when I was laid off from my writing job. The point was to keep my mind working during the in-between period, to keep practicing my words, and also learn more about writing on the Internet. I consider myself a writer: I may not be getting paid to write (THANKS A LOT BLOGGER) but I studied English my whole life, earned a degree in writing, and have an enthusiasm for language that I hope will soon earn myself a little more than what I'm currently bringing in. I also decided that I wasn't going to censor myself for fear of hurting someone's feelings.

And guess what? I hurt someone's feelings.

This certain person is of the opinion that only flattering, nice things should be said about certain people (certain person included), and we argued because I, surprisingly, am not of that opinion. I've only written real, true things, and some of them happen to be unflattering. The problem, however, lies in misreading and misinterpreting by certain people looking for a specific answer, which I can't help or change.

Those close to me know that sometimes my life ends up in writing on the Internet. I'm not out to air petty arguments or disagreements. That's boring. Also silly. But some things about my life and my history do affect who I am and I write about it. Sugar coating life is not what I'm interested in, so I hereby issue an apology to anyone past, present and future who is or will be offended by what I write. Except for the certain person who expressly asked me to refrain from writing about her in the future, I don't plan on changing. It's a risk I knew I was taking when I started and after a year and a half it caught up to me. I could change who I am and what I want to be or I could chalk the experience up to job risks.

To the rest of you unaffected by what I write, enjoy.

Not Your Typical American

So true.

I got into a conversation the other night with some German and Spanish students about language and culture. I love talking with them because it's like speaking a new dialect of American English; foreigners that come here have been taking classes but only really start to learn the intricacies of our language after living here. One German student was explaining how he was laughed at after learning and using one of our idioms (pronounced "eye-dee-oms"). We discussed how long it takes a foreigner to pick up a language (3 weeks of immersion), and when you know you've really mastered a language, like automatically counting, dreaming or telling jokes in that language.

Quite often I'm asked by new students where I'm from. I always say California, then "near Los Angeles" if they ask further. Sometimes I'm pegged for being from the East Coast (and not just by students- random strangers I talk with think that, too) and a few times I've come off as European. I assume it's some combination of my skin color (very Mediterranean), that I'm not the stereotypical American girl (read: blonde), and maybe something to do with me driving a giant van full of kids in a skirt. They also always ask me if I like San Diego better, which of course I answer with a wholehearted yes. Without fail, all the students have the same opinion of San Diego: it's chill and full of friendly people. San Diego is not like New York or Chicago, other cities our foreign students frequent, and that's always said positively. I feel like California is separate from the rest of the United States, and I think the students pick up on that. I hope the feelings they get from San Diego are the ones they apply to all of the States, because everyone I've seen leave has been sad to go back. They make friends, learn the culture and feel like they fit in.

A financial analyst from the East coast was visiting my boss and I picked him up and took him back to campus, where he was staying. I was expecting someone older, but the guy who got in was young. We talked about my job (we're the only campus that has shuttles), my background and he asked why I'm not teaching. "You're already an EF employee and you have a degree in English. It seems obvious," he said. Well, sir, it actually does seem obvious. My favorite part of my job is talking with the students and discovering what it was that made them want to learn English and want to learn it in San Diego. A couple of the students even told me they learned more English just by talking with me in the van than in class. Which makes me think back on how language was taught to me: Spanish class was all grammar and sentence structure, things I'm not very good at explaining in English, so my Spanish skills are poor at best. Is this how we teach English to foreigners?

Just for fun.

As a shuttle driver I form a special bond with the students that teachers and other staff don't. I take them away from the school (which is in the middle of nowhere) to the beach, or downtown or shopping or the movies. I take them clubbing and blast dance music for them. The shuttle is their ticket away from the stress of school and because I'm the driver they feel like they can be honest. If I do teach I'd like to keep a few shuttle shifts- you learn so much more in the van than you do in the classroom, and that learning goes both ways.

In Which I Am A Porn Star

You read that right.

This week 3 different friends mentioned they not only read this little blog of mine but actually look forward to new posts. Yay! Then I get a random e-mail from The Ex letting me know of some exposure I've been getting, including Reddit and an Indonesian porn site.

I was wondering how on Earth my blog was associated with porn, seeing how I don't even write about it, so I did some googling. Turns out Lindsay Marie is a platinum blonde porn star, and she posed with some of her Indonesian coworkers.

So, Lindsay Marie is an up and coming porn star. (Also, me, the snarky writer, but I don't turn up when you google my name...) Her biography says, "you could call me the multi-talented model" because she can cook and sew, and walk and chew gum at the same time. She also likes to call herself a nude model, rather than porn star, maybe because I didn't find any videos of her. She was an extra in some short non-porn film some years ago, but her popularity is down 27% on IMDB...

Gotta say, though, she looks pretty good in a pair of jeans. Here you go, boys, and I even included a link to her website so don't say I never did anything for you.

I'm not much for bottle blondes, but she's not too shabby.

Thanks for reading!

Pay My Bills!

Though it feels really good to see my credit card statement below $3k, my savings over $1k, enough in my checking account to cover rent and another paycheck on the way, I do sometimes wish I wasn't spending my nights working a second job. Sometimes I wish I had parents giving me money every month to live. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend who paid my rent.

I've made choices the last few years that got me where I am now. If I moved back in with one of my parents when I graduated college I could have lived rent free until I found a job and built up savings. Or if I moved in with The Ex (not that he would have agreed...) when I was laid off I could have lived cheaply. Or if I found a full time job at a desk somewhere I could have a consistent paycheck and probably have my card paid off by now.

I chose to stay in San Diego when I graduated. I chose to live alone. I chose to work at a non-profit, outside, doing something I love. But when I'm working nights driving students to PB or downtown, when they're all dressed up and smelling nice, to go have fun is kind of depressing. I've never really had the cute clothes, nice perfume, or sexy shoes like other girls have, and rarely did I ever have the money to go out drinking and dancing. Oh, there was a time when I was working a lot at shuttles and went out and bought fancy foods, but that was a short time that seems so far away now. And it's not that I really care about dressing up and going out every week, because I don't. I just want to not count every dollar I spend on the rare night I can go out. I knew when I graduated that I wouldn't be making much money, and now I know it's more important to my overall happiness that I enjoy what I do for a living rather than be able to buy nice things. I just hate the worry and the penny pinching.

Since Blogger decided about an hour into me having ads that I abused the privilege (before the ads were even up... thanks Google) I'm not making any money from this blog. So, I am accepting cash donations to My Personal Fund. Money will go towards paying rent for myself and the kitty, providing us both with sustenance, fueling my car so I can continue making my own money, and maybe occasionally buying a pair of jeans (I have 2 that fit) or a t-shirt that hasn't been through the wash ten dozen times. Leave me a comment and I'll direct you to my bank account. Thanks!