One Million Dollars

Nobel Prize down, million dollar bill next.

On Christmas day, at work, a very cheery guest gave us a fistful of million dollar bills. No joke.

Obviously they weren't worth a Monopoly bill, but still, a million dollars. Sounded pretty awesome, even if they had caricatures of celebrities (some I didn't recognize- took me forever to discern Elton John). But written on the backs of the bills was something entirely different.

The first paragraph began with all people are sinners and no matter what you've done you've committed enough sin to be banished to eternal hell. It seemed particularly focused on men lusting after women and committing adultery with them in their hearts, which is prime hell territory. I thought it was going the atheist route, as in "you're already pretty much fucked, so might as well enjoy it." Looking back I have no idea why I thought this...

The second paragraph mentioned how Jesus was like your defense lawyer; he argued with the judge and paid your fine with his own life. So you're good now. All that sinning isn't going to automatically condemn you to hell. But, since he did pay a hefty fine in order for you to get off scott-free, the least you could do is acknowledge your gratitude by reading the Bible, praying and generally being like Jesus.

Which, as you'd know if you read the Bible, is a near impossible task. But who's reading?

The whole million dollar thing was tied together (lamely) when it asked "the million dollar question" of whether or not you're going to hell. I can only assume the celebrities represented sinners, but my million dollar question is what is a true Christian doing at the Wild Animal Park on Christmas day? Not just handing out evangelical million dollar bills, but having fun and being part of the reason why the Park is open 365 days a year- if you open it, they will come. And apparently they'll ride Flightlines, too. (The bills also said "abortion stops a human heart." Not if you do it within the first 8 weeks! Zing!)

Jokes like that are why I'm going to hell... Sigh. Anyway, we first put the bills in our coworkers cubbies as a joke, then we cut out the Obama faces and taped them over our own pictures. It still looks awesome.